Back to Reality

It's been a while since I have written. I hope that you have had a good summer, visiting friends and family, and storing up sunshine to last for the winter.

Part of why I disappeared is that I was working with Lisa Tussey Yoder, an instructional designer, to create a course in Emotional Intelligence that we launched this summer for homeschooling children from 4-18. While we were developing it, we agreed that we could definitely learn something from it and find the worksheets helpful as adults. I wanted to share a little about it and the thoughts behind it as many of you may find it helpful for yourselves and your family life.

At the base of the class is learning to identify and process emotions.

I don't know about you, but for me growing up, emotions weren't really talked about. I learned rules of acceptable (and unacceptable) behavior and knew I needed to follow them, or be grounded, labeled a bad kid, ...

All around, we were all doing the same thing. A few "bad kids" hadn't learned the rules, or didn't care about them and acted out. They were held up as examples of what not to do.

We were told to hide that which really ties us together: our emotions.

All of us humans around the world feel happy and sad. We feel bored and fascinated. We feel pride, and probably the worst of all, shame.

We might have learned different rules and ways to show emotions, based on our family or culture. What is acceptable, what is respectful, and what is not. But the way the emotions are felt in us are very similar. Shame, fear of shame, avoiding shame, hiding shame brings similar reactions in our body and mind no matter where we are from.

But rather than talk about emotions, we hide them. We hide them with rules, that lead to misunderstandings. Meanwhile, we are pressure tanks ready to explode.

What if we could turn that around?

What if we could use the very things we hide the most as a point of connection, rather than distance?

What if we could see our common humanity, and heal ourselves in the process?

The Power of Compassion and Connection

When working with teams in conflict, one of the most powerful exercises that I do is a compassion check-in.

This conversation, in 1-1 pairs, facilitated and led in a group setting, brings together people and in as short a time as 15 minutes, connects and bridges differences. Performing the activity regularly can help mend old wounds and build new bonds.

Rather than talking about differences (I still believe understanding differences is knowledge that brings understanding), we talk about what is the same.

We practice active listening.

We practice compassion.

We see our common humanity.

Then we can move on to the tough discussions we have at work with clearer minds and more open hearts.

Would you like to bring this activity into your team, workplace or home? Let's talk about how we can do that!